Are you giving away your self-worth?

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Whenever we do something new, something big, it’s normal for fear to come up.

When I started working on Wild + Precious, I was really excited. I love creating, so I couldn’t wait to re-read all the Wild Sister issues, choose my favorite pieces and compile them into one big, beautiful book.

I knew it was an overwhelming task, but I wasn’t expecting it to be as hard as it was.

The creation process brought up so much stuff for me.

Putting Wild Sister out there on such a huge scale was frightening.

And as challenges arose in the self-publishing process, I began to doubt myself.

I’d put a ton of pressure and expectations on myself to get. it. done.

So when a multitude of little things collided one day {being over-tired, set-backs that pushed back my desired release date, and a many other random things happening all at once}, I panicked.

I cried. I gritted my teeth in frustration. I had a meltdown.

I know I’m not painting a pretty picture here.

It wasn’t pretty. But it happened. So I’m talking about it.

I cracked under the pressure of my own expectations.

Once I calmed myself down and talked it out with Mike, I started to see that everything was okay.

I remembered that I am perfectly capable of handling anything that comes my way.

And I reminded myself that even though things weren’t working exactly according to my plan, they were working to a much bigger plan. Call it the Universe’s plan, God’s plan, fate, Divine timing, whatever.

To help me re-connect with my Divinity, I turned to Pam Grout’s new book E-Cubed – the sequel to one of my favorite books, E-Squared.

A few pages in, I read a sentence that made me gasp.

“My worthiness is not at stake.”

Click to tweet this.

And it hit me.

Hard.

I thought my worthiness was at stake.

Somewhere in my mind, I had entangled this book with my own worthiness.

No wonder my stomach had been tied up in anxious knots.

No wonder I’d had moments of complete overwhelm, feeling weighed down and worried.

No wonder I had that meltdown.

Shed those tears.

Put a ton of pressure on myself to get this book PERFECT. To get the release PERFECT. To get everything PERFECT.

I’d tied my worthiness around this book like a bow.

And I was about to give it to others like a gift, and then wait with baited breath to see if they deemed it (read: me) worthy.

My first reaction when I woke up to this illusion? Frustration.

“Really, Jen? This again?” I thought, rolling my eyes. “Aren’t we done with this yet?”

A softer, gentler, wiser voice answered. “You’re still learning.”

Still learning.

Learning to remember my worthiness. My Divinity.

This soulful smack-down created a shift.

At that moment, I decided to let go. Something I’ve always found very hard to do.

I decided to let go of the outcome.

I decided to detach myself from the book.

I decided that no matter what happened, I’m worthy – whether the book became a mind-blowing success or a dwindling failure.

Whether people adored it, hated it, or didn’t even notice it, my worthiness was not at stake.

I followed my own advice from a post I shared a few weeks ago. I reminded myself that even in my moments of meltdown, of tears, of anxiety…

I am loved.

I am enough.

I deserve happiness.

And the relief I felt was instantaneous.

Everything that had been weighing me down was lifted.

The hard rock of fear that had been living in my gut lost a lot of its power.

My worthiness is never at stake.

To all the creators, writers, coaches, entrepreneurs and artists reading this…

Are you giving away your self-worth with your art? With your books? With your creations?

Do you tie it like a bow around your work?

It seems almost impossible to create something from your heart and soul and release it without giving away a piece of yourself with it.

I can’t deny that a big piece of my heart and soul is in Wild + Precious. It’s in everything I’ve created at Wild Sister.

And I will continue to create with my heart and soul. But from now on, my worthiness stays with me.

For me, trusting that everything would work out exactly how it was meant to helped me let go.

And realizing that my worthiness was not at stake helped me to detach from the outcome and gave me peace.

So, love, in case you need to hear it again…

Your worthiness is not at stake.

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Love + wildness,

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Wild Sister is a revolutionary e-mag + global sisterhood of women who rock at life. Inspiring you to love yourself, follow your bliss + change the world.

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